Stuck

Thurs Jan 31, 2019

2:56pm

I didn’t have the noodles or take a nap 2 days ago. I went home and had a salad for dinner after doing some housework so that’s good.

I lost 1lb yesterday and another today, that’s good but I can always lose weight on weekdays, the true test will come this weekend.

I feel like such a failure. With lots of things. For sure with this weight, but also with other aspects of my life.

Work sucks right now, I have way too much work to do, and no one could be expected to handle this workload. My coworker (who I really like) is bored and often can watch TV while here. I run around and feel……invisible, not respected, not enough. I have been at this job for 16 years, at this desk for 12, which is a very long time. There are new people here, younger, but when new work comes it all gets put on me and I don’t get paid enough for that. My coworker is trying for another job and is all happy meanwhile, I am trapped. Yes, I could look for something else but the market is shit and I really really don’t want to take an admin job, I am more of a clinical sort. Stuck by my own choices.

Then there is the home life, I love Jesse but he is never ever going to be what I wanted. I have let lots of that go, but some of the things…..I feel I am worth. There is nothing really bad that I can say, just……well, stuck, again by my own choices.

What a whiny post, what a whiny Lardass. Enough for today.